


It's Not Over

by KayKel108



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:05:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayKel108/pseuds/KayKel108
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Felicity Smoak woke today feeling something was off.  Will being correct change her life forever? (sort of mixed the story line of The Notebook and Arrow) </p><p>I wrote this a while ago, but never got around to moving it from Fanfiction over to AO3.<br/>If you've already read it, thanks for the love!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I shamelessly took the story line of The Notebook and Arrow and this is where it led me. Enjoy!

Do you ever just wake up knowing that the day is going to go horribly wrong?  Maybe you didn't sleep well.  Maybe it was the sushi you ate last night.  Maybe you just feel off.  Regardless of the reason, you just know.  Felicity Smoak woke today, just knowing.

Today is supposed to be one of the most exciting days before the wedding.  It's the final fitting for the bridesmaids and herself.  And yet, something in the pit of her stomach is screaming at her to watch out.  Today will not be her day.  She rolls over and tries to force that feeling out of her head by reminding herself of everything that has gone so seemingly perfect.  Perfect dress.  Perfect church.  Perfect flowers.  Perfect groom.  Oh boy the groom.  Dylan.  Sometimes she just stares at him and wonders how the hell she got so lucky.  He's the most honest and kind person she's ever known.  He's charismatic and magnetic.  He commands the room.  Hell, just looking at him is enough to take your breath away.  Golden brown eyes and dark brown hair.  Tall and broad but not overly muscular.  Dreamy. In one word, that's how Felicity would describe him.  She knows she's got the man of her dreams.

Somewhere deep down inside of her is always quick to whisper 'twice'.  Just as quickly as that nasty thought emerges, she forces it back down where it belongs, at the bottom of the ocean.

"And there it is."  She mumbles into her pillow.  She realizes why today is going to be off and horrible and absolutely no good.  It's his birthday.  He'd be 25 today.

"Nope.  No.  Not today, Sir.  No.  You will not ruin my day."  She declares as she swings her feet off the bed and makes her way to the bathroom.  She's not going to let another day be ruined by the thought of Oliver Queen.  Her emotions for him tended to live somewhere in the red hot hatred section of her heart, and today was no different.

She hasn't always felt that way.

* * *

 

When Felicity was 17, she met the boy she knew would be her forever.  High school had never been a problem for Felicity.  In all honestly, she was actually a problem for high school.  They had to make harder tests and give her special homework to keep her engaged.  Oliver, on the other hand, despite being very bright, was lazy.  He came to class, but anyone could tell his mind was in other places.  Over the course of the semester, Felicity started noticing that he would periodically look her way.  As much as she'd like to believe he just enjoyed the view, she knew he was slightly more interested in what was on her paper.  She wasn't a cheater and she knew she needed to confront him about his wandering eyes.  The problem, though, was his eyes.  They were the bluest eyes she'd ever seen and they always seemed to have a hint of mischief in them.  She had a hard time concentrating when she caught them looking at her.  She caught him twice in one week looking right at her and when she would look up he wouldn't even try to hide it.  He would just give a small smirk and continue gazing.  About a week after she caught him staring he appeared at her locker.  He looked nervous.

"Felicity Smoak? Hi, I'm Oliver Queen."

"I know who you are."

He looked at her for a moment like he was surprised she knew who he was but continued, "Right, obviously. I mean, I sit next to you in Literature, which of course you'd know.  Not that you'd take special notice that I was there or anything but that seems like the most obvious way you'd know me.  Not that I'm not knowable from other places. I mean I play football and wrestle.  But I've never seen you at either of those events, not that I've been looking for you.  I swear I'm going to stop babbling in 3..2..1.... I'm sorry."

She just stared at him.  There was so much information hitting her at once she didn't know what to say in response.  And just when he looked like he couldn't be more mortified and started to walk away she spoke up.

"I sit on the visitors side. Less crowded."

He looked shocked that she managed to follow his whole trainwreck of a conversation.  She smiles and continues,  "Let's make a deal. You can carry my books to class and I'll write a little bigger to so don't have to strain so hard."  She waited for his answer.

His returned her smile and responded. "Oh, I haven't been looking at your notes."

* * *

 

Looking back, Felicity knows that she's never blushed harder than at that moment.  That day was the start of something beautiful. And devastating.  It was the beginning of everything.  And nothing.

Felicity pulls herself from her bittersweet memories and forces herself to get ready.

She heads out to meet her bridesmaids at the bridal shop about 25 minutes from her apartment.

She passes Queen Consolidated on her way and she finds herself thinking of the last time she was there with a sigh.  She can't believe it's been five years.

* * *

 

"I can't believe you didn't even consider talking to me before making such a big commitment, Oliver!  Two months in China is a long time!  That's two months on a different continent!"  Felicity exclaimed as she shut his office door.

"I didn't realize we were the type of couple that ran huge decisions by each other.  I must've missed that."  He responded calmly, which only fueled Felicity's anger.

"Of course this is where this argument is going.  This is where every argument has gone for the last three weeks.  I'm not going to apologize for choosing my future, my career, what I want, over where my boyfriend wants me to work.  Palmer Technologies has a better Applied Sciences department and I was offered a better position, so I took it.  I won't apologize for that."

"You won't apologize for choosing a company on the other side of the country.  We had plans, Felicity!"  Oliver's voice cracked slightly and Felicity could feel the guilt creep it's way back in.

"You act like we can't have plans anymore.  I know this is going to be hard.  I know it's not what you want.  And yes, I should have talked to you about it before signing a contract but I did sign the contract.  It's happening.  But long distance can work, Oliver. It doesn't have to be all or nothing."  Now she was the one with the cracking voice.

He sighed and ran his hands through his messy hair. "I don't know."

She froze.  She could feel this coming since the day she told him about the job.  He just sat there solemnly and she could feel in her bones that this wasn't an argument they were going to get over.

He looks up at her and continues, "Look, I don't know where we stand anymore.  We've spent almost everyday together for the past two years.  I understand Palmer is giving you the opportunity of a life time, paying for the rest of your degree and giving you a job.  Baby, I get that, I really do.  But I'm stuck here.  QC.  This is it for me.  I've known where I stand with this company since I was 10.  In 3 years, I'll be Vice President.  When Dad steps down, I'll be CEO.  I won't be able to spend weeks on the other side of the country.  And you won't either. Felicity, you are going to prove to them your worth so quickly I know they'll do everything they can to keep you.  And they should.  You are the smartest, most hard working person I've ever met.  I honestly don't know why you've stuck around with me for so long."  Oliver wasn't looking at her anymore. He was staring out of his office windows with a resigned look on his face.

Felicity didn't know where to begin to respond.  Mostly because there weren't any questions.  He seemed to have already made up his mind.

"Oliver, I know you're upset with me, but we still have a month together before I leave for PT and you go to China.  We can sit down and work out a schedule.  It doesn't have to be the end.  I love you.  I don't want this to be over."  She was trying very hard to keep the tears from spilling over and she could tell Oliver was having the same problem.

Oliver moved from his chair around so he was standing right in front of her, leaning back on his desk.  He takes her hands in his and begins rubbing small circles over the top of them.  She can tell he is trying to choose his words carefully and that scares her more than anything.

"Felicity, we have a month left.  Then you're leaving and I'm going to China.  I think I need this time.  We need this time. We can finish out this month and just see where we are when I get back."  Oliver says as he's looking anywhere but at her.

"Please don't do this.  You don't mean it."  The previously unshed tears were now rolling freely down her cheeks.  "God, Oliver, why wait until the end of the summer.  If you want to break up with me just do it.  Do it!  Right now!"

Oliver just watched her, waiting for her to calm down.  This wasn't how he wanted this conversation to go and he knew she was just scared and overreacting.

"You know what, if you won't do it, I will.  It's over.  Okay?  It's over."  Felicity was screaming now and somewhere in the back of her mind she was thankful she had shut his office door.  She knew she was overreacting even in the moment but she was so mad at the very thought of him leaving her, all acceptable behavior flew out the window.

"Stop crying.  Come here."  Oliver moves to put his arms around her, but Felicity pushes him away.

"Don't touch me!  I hate you!  I hate you." Felicity backs up until she is against the doors, surprised by her own words.  They had always swore to each other that no matter how mad they may be at each other, they could never hate each other.  You couldn't hate someone you loved so much.

Oliver holds his hands up in surrender. "Okay.  You hate me?  Really?  Fine.  I'm leaving. You can see yourself out when you're ready."  He moves around her and opens the door to leave.

"We're not really breaking up.  Oliver?  Come on.  This is just a fight.  We'll get through it like all the others . Oliver?"  She wills him to turn around and answer her but he's already gone.

It wasn't until the next morning that she heard from him again.  He left a message with her apartment secretary that said, _"I changed my China plans.  I'm taking the yacht instead of flying and I'm leaving today.  Enjoy your new job. - O"._

* * *

 

She's back in her car, but emotionally she's all over the place.  Sometimes all it takes is one little thought of him and all of the walls she's thrown up seem to crumble down.  She misses him.  Of course she does.  He made his decision in that office 5 years ago and that decision changed her life forever.  Every time she thinks about it she gets angry all over again.  Mostly at him.  A little at herself.  If he had just listened to her.  If he didn't walk away.  If she hadn't yelled at him.  If she didn't tell him she hated him.  If if if.  All the ifs in the world doesn't change the did.  Those things did happen.  And as she pulls into the bridal shop parking lot she vows to put all of her annual anguish over a man she'll never see again aside and focus on the man she'll spend the rest of her life loving.

Her bridesmaids consist of her two cousins, Shelby and Sydney, her best friend Sara, and her college roommate Taylor.

As she opens the door to the shop she wonders why she was even entertaining the thought of Oliver on a day like this.  Her favorite people all in one place, celebrating her and Dylan.

"There you are, we were beginning to think you had stood up your own wedding party!"  Taylor said with a wide grin.  It was clear she had already helped herself to the mimosas.

"I'm so sorry you guys!  Traffic was horrible and I woke up late.  I'm here now so hand me one of those drinks and lets get to checking these measurements."  Everyone seemed to take her enthusiasm at face value as they begin to change into their dresses.  Everyone but Sara.

She eyes Felicity from the couch she's sitting on.  She knows her best friend better than anyone else in the whole world.  Felicity's mouth said she was late because of traffic.  But her eyes screamed _'I took the long way here so I could drive by QC and wallow in self loathing for a few extra minutes today_ '.  Sara wasn't dumb.  She was the person who held Felicity's hand when she cried for hours.  She was the one who told her that she was strong enough to make it through Oliver leaving.  She was with Felicity when she got the call from Moira telling her that Oliver's yacht had gone down in a storm.  She picked up the pieces, because it was her job.  And as someone who is keen on picking up her pieces, she can tell Felicity is hanging on by a thread.  It's his birthday.  The five year anniversary of his death is in a few days.  She's getting married in 3 weeks.  It's all too much for her.   Sara doesn't even think Felicity knows she's so close to losing it. No, that was Sara's job to know that.  That's why Sara chugs the rest of her mimosa and has a 5 second panic attack when she looks at her news update on her phone.  That's why Sara, very calmly, gets up and drinks the rest of Shelby's and then moves on towards Felicity's fitting room.  She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

"Hey Lis? Can you come here for a second?"

"Yeah hold on!  Almost got the dress laced up.  Okay, what's up?"  She opens the door and smiles at Sara.

Sara blows out the breath she's been holding.  _'This is going to be a lot of pieces'_ she thinks to herself before looking Felicity in the eye and saying, "He's alive."


	2. Chapter 2

Wine.  A lot of wine.  That seemed to be the only decision Felicity could solidly stand behind.  Sara had managed to get her home and away from her other worried friends, explaining that she was just light headed because she didn't eat breakfast.  Whenever her brain started to function properly she knew she needed to thank her.

Felicity is currently nursing her third glass of merlot in the bath tub when Sara comes to check on her.

"Lis?  You okay?  Need anything?"  Sara calls out from Felicity's bedroom.

"Oh, I don't know.  Another bottle of wine?  A horse tranquilizer?  Either will do."

Sara comes in and sits on the floor by the door.  "Oh Felicity, I can't imagine what's going on in that big brain of yours.  But I do know you don't need anymore wine.  I also know that Dylan just called."

Felicity's head shot up to meet Sara's gaze and Sara couldn't help but think that she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.  She continued, "I told him I was staying over tonight, that I wanted a girl's night with you since the wedding was getting closer.  I told him you were in the shower but not to wait up for your call because I took your phone and I'm getting you drunk.  He told me to tell you to have fun and to just call him in the morning when you woke up."

"Thank you." Felicity whispered.  She was just staring at the faucet as she turned the water on and off with her toes.  She wasn't sure she knew how to think anymore.  She finds herself wondering, 'How do you tell your fiance that your dead ex-boyfriend, who you've never talked about, who died less than 24 hours after you broke up, is, in fact, not dead?'  You don't.  Because there is no way this is real life.  This is something straight out of a tv show.

Felicity goes back and forth from denial to panic and there really is no in between.  What is Dylan going to say?  Is he going to understand that she didn't see a reason in telling him about Oliver, that it just hurt too much to talk about?  Is he going to be upset that she would keep something like that a secret?  Dylan knew that her last boyfriend had died, but she chose no to elaborate, and Dylan respected her privacy.

One thing she loves about Dylan is his lack of technology awareness.  It's a funny contrast to her.  He has a smart phone, which he uses to call and text and play games.  And he has a laptop for writing.  He doesn't use social media, and he barely watches the news.  When Felicity met him and she realized that he knew nothing about her relationship to the billionaire who'd been killed, it was refreshing.  She had gone on a few dates with other guys, but somehow the conversation always led to Oliver.  Meeting Dylan was like breathing fresh air for Felicity.  For the first time since the accident, she could see herself being happy.

Sara gets up when Felicity's phone begins to ring again, drawing Felicity out of her memories.  "Lis...it's Thea."

Over the last five years, she and Thea had remained on good terms.  Felicity was there when her soccer team when to the State Championship.  She flew across the country and sat with the Queen's for Thea's graduation.  Thea called her once a month or so to fill her in on whatever was happening at the time.  Even though they've never talked about it, they both knew each other's importance in Oliver's life and they knew he'd want them to take care of each other.  Looking at the phone, Felicity wonders if she's ready to know what Thea is ready to tell her.

She takes a big breath and answers, "Hello?"

"Felicity."  Felicity could tell Thea was trying to remain calm.  It dawns on her that Thea may not know that she already knows.

"Thea?  Are you okay?"

"He's alive, Felicity!  I don't know if you've seen the news, but fishermen found him on an island off the coast of China.  He's on a flight to Starling Hospital as we speak.  Mom wants him checked by our family doctor.  Mom, Dad, Tommy, and I are heading there now, we can swing by and pick you up, it be no prob--"  Felicity cuts her off.

"Thea, you know I can't do that."

There was silence on the other end for a moment before Thea answered, "I know. I'm sorry.  I know it's different now, but you weren't just his girlfriend.  You were his best friend.  He'll want to see you."  Thea says in a hushed tone. She knows this is a sensitive topic and she's not sure if it's even her place, but hell, that's never really stopped her before.

"I haven't told Dylan."  Felicity responds.

"About Oliver being alive?  Lis, it's only been a few of hours, he'll understand you've just been in shock.  In the two years I've known him, I have never seen him mad about anything, he'll be fine."

"No, Thea.  He won't be.  He doesn't know Oliver's alive, because he doesn't know about Oliver.  At all." Felicity waits in silence for a few seconds until Thea responds.

"Well.  Shit."

"Thank you, Thea. You always know just what to say."

"I mean, nothing says _'Lets spend forever together!'_ like a secret billionaire ex boyfriend back from the dead." Felicity could tell Thea was enjoying this.

"You. Are. Not. Helping."  But Felicity found herself smiling as well.  She didn't know what it was about the Queen's, but they always knew how to turn a horrible situation into a slightly less horrible situation.

"Yes I am.  You need to relax.  You can't fix everything tonight, so stop trying.  Look, I gotta go, everyone is waiting for me in the car.  I'll text you with updates since you aren't coming tonight.  But we both know you'll see him eventually.  You've got shitty resolve, Smoak, I can feel it crumbling as we speak."

Felicity laughed, "Goodnight, Thea."

"Bye Lis, good luck with Dylan."

Felicity sighs and gets out of the tub.  She throws on an old Palmer Tech T-Shirt and her galaxy leggings and crawls into bed.  She knows she should call Dylan and tell him everything right now.  She also knows she's buzzed from the wine and she doesn't need to overshare.  As if Sara could read her mind she comes in her room with her biggest coffee mug.

"Your picture is next to the word 'Life Saver' in the dictionary."  Felicity takes the cup and gets comfortable.

Sara sits down on Felicity's bean bag sofa she kept after college.

"Sara, what am I going to do?"  Felicity whispers.

Sara takes a second to think over what she knows needs to happen.  "Here is what's going to happen.  You are going to sober up. You're going to call Dylan and tell him you need a few days out of town.  He's going to ask you if it's cold feet and you are going to say no.  You just want to enjoy a few last days as a Smoak.  He'll graciously agree to you needing space, because he's Dylan.  And you'll spend those few days figuring out what you want to say to Dylan.  To Oliver.  You need to talk to both of them."

"I'm marrying Dylan, Sara.  I've made a commitment.  I love him.  He is a wonderful man.  Oliver coming back doesn't change that.  We were over before he got on that boat."

Sara wonders for a moment if Felicity will feel that way after she sees him again.  She decides not to push her.  "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. But still, take the days to yourself.  Clear your head.  Promise me?"

"Okay.  Yeah.  I promise."  Felicity puts her cup down and picks up her phone.

Sara can't help but think that as convincing as Lis sounded, she'd never once heard her say she was "in love" with Dylan and she also can't help but feel like the show is just starting.


	3. Chapter 3

Felicity paces back and forth across her bedroom.  It's the morning after she found out that Oliver Queen is alive.  She ended up deciding to call Dylan after a good night's sleep, not that she slept much.  She couldn't seem to get the image of Oliver on an island out of her head.  How did he make it to the island?  Was he alone?  How did Oliver Queen, frat boy billionaire, survive for 5 years on a deserted island?  In the back of her mind, Felicity knew she'd only get those answers by asking him.  She also knew she wasn't sure she'd like the answers.

After cleaning her entire apartment, organizing her closet and making two batches of cookies, she has reached her limit of procrastination.  She picks up her phone and makes the phone call she's been dreading.  She dials his number.

"Good morning Sweetheart!"  She can tell from his voice that he's smiling.  He's probably been waiting for her call.

"Good morning."  She replies, hoping she doesn't sound too dejected.

"Did you have a good time with Sara?  I missed you last night, but I'm glad you had a fun girl's night."

"Yeah it was nice.  Hey..um.. can I ask you something?"  She waited for his response.

"Sure babe, what's up?  You sound a little off."  She wanted to laugh. Of course he'd pick up on it from a 15 second phone call.

"Well.  Okay, I don't want to freak you out or worry you at all. But I need a few days to get away."  She waits.  There is silence on the other end.

He lets out a breath. "Lis, what's going on?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about.  It's just, I'm getting married in three weeks.  I think it's just finally set in.  I'm just a little overwhelmed with last minute details and the craziness that is going to start taking over.  I just want a few days to myself is all, to recharge a little."

"Okay.  Okay I get that.  If you need a few days then take a few days."

"Thank you."  Felicity answers, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding.  "I love you."

"I love you too.  I shouldn't be worried, right?"

"No.  You have nothing to be worried about."  She answers quickly.

"Okay, well.. alright, go on then.  Enjoy your few days.  Call me at some point."

"I will.  Bye Dylan, I'll call soon."

"Bye Lis."

 

Felicity has her bags packed and she's sitting in her car.  The only problem is she has no idea where she's going.  There is a growing part of her that wants to just flee.  Flee from her problems.  This seems like a fight or flight situation and if Felicity was honest with herself, she was a flight kind of girl.  Just as she's almost convinced herself Canada seemed like a nice place to visit, she gets a text message. From Thea.

_"He asked about you last night."_

Well shit.  Thea always had a way of saying exactly what Felicity did not want to hear.  But damn it if she doesn't want to know what he asked.

Despite herself, Felicity responds,  " _What did he say?"_ She waits.

She doesn't have to wait long.  A few seconds later her phone buzzes again.  " _He asked if you owned Palmer Technologies yet.  I told him you moved back.  I'm sorry if you didn't want him to know.  I just thought he deserved to know.  I didn't tell him you work for QC."_

Felicity groaned and leaned back against her head rest.  Damn it.  He knows she's in town.  She wonders if he's hurt she hasn't seen him yet.  She's not the carefree 19 year old girl he remembers.  He has to know that.  But she can't help feeling guilty.  If she hadn't made him so mad in the office that day, his last memory of her wouldn't be from five years ago.  With that thought on her mind, she made her decision.  She'd go to Queen Manor on her way out of town.  She'd see him.  They'd talk.  And then that would be it.  She has a life.  She has a fiance.  In three weeks, she'll be Mrs. Dylan Conrad.  That's not going to change just because her ex is back from the dead.

She responds to Thea, _"It's okay. He would've figured it out eventually. We'll cross the QC bridge when we get there."_

Thea quickly answers, _"Does that mean you'll be telling him in person?"_

Felicity rolls her eyes but decides not to respond.  She turns on her car and before she can talk herself out of it, she heads towards her past.

 

 

Felicity pulls into the Queen Manor and up to the gate.  She finds John Diggle, Oliver's former body guard waiting there.  The last time she saw him was at Oliver's funeral, she remembers sadly.  As strong and intimidating as he seems, the only thing she feels when she sees him is safety.  From the time they were 17 and he drove them around town, to Oliver's funeral when he held her hand and offered his umbrella when she forgot to bring one herself.

He smiles at her and she rolls down her window, "Felicity Meghan Smoak, you are a sight for sore eyes."

Felicity grinned and returned, "Jonathon I don't know your middle name Diggle, it is always a pleasure."

He laughs, "The pleasure is all mine.  It's been too long.  You headed to see Oliver?"

"Um.  Yeah, I guess.  To be honest, I just got in my car and sort of ended up here.  I don't really know what I'm doing."

Diggle stands there quietly for a moment before answering, "Well, if your subconscious led you here, I'm sure there's a reason."  He gestures towards the watch building and the gates open, "I hope to see you again soon, Lis."

She gives the forearm that's resting on her car window a quick squeeze and makes her way down the driveway.

As if nothing had changed in the last five years, her parking spot was still empty.  She pulls in and makes her way towards the front door. For years, she had always used the side door that led into the kitchen.  But that was five years ago.  Today she rings the doorbell and waits.

Raisa answers the door with a smile.  Another sight for sore eyes.  The older woman quickly grabs Felicity and pulls her in for a hug, "Oh Miss Felicity, it is so good to see you.  You have been very missed!"

Before Felicity could say anything to Raisa, a sassy 19 year old bounces down the stair case, "Well well well.  If it isn't the elusive Felicity Smoak.  Still looking smoking if I do say so myself."  She doesn't acknowledge Thea's remark about her appearance.  Felicity knows she looks good.  It's not everyday your dead ex boyfriend comes back to life.  She wasn't going to waste that opportunity, no breathing woman would.  A very shallow part of herself worried that he'd be disappointed in how her 24 year old self compared to her 19 year old self.  She had brown hair and glasses when he last saw her.  She was now a blonde with contacts and a badass industrial piercing in her ear.  She didn't wear jeans and school t-shirts anymore.  She was a business woman.  She wore dresses and heels and all of that worried her, even if she refused to dwell on why too long.

"I am not elusive, Thea. I talk to you all the time!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever.  I assume you aren't here to chit chat with me."

Felicity doesn't say anything.  She just looks towards the stairs that she knows leads to Oliver's bedroom.

Thea lets out a heavy sigh and says, "He's not here."

"What do you mean, he's not here? Where else could he be?" Felicity asks, letting her nerves show slightly.

"He got up this morning and came down stairs to eat breakfast with us.  Then he asked if we still had the beach house.  He told us that being around so many people so soon was a little overwhelming and asked if it was okay for him to spend a couple of days there, to just get used to being back.  Tommy drove him up there after breakfast.  Of course Mom was hesitant but Dad gave him the keys and told him to take all the time he needed."

"Oh."  Felicity wasn't really sure what to say.  It seems she made the trip here for no reason and now she stood awkwardly in the foyer.  "Well I guess I'll just head out then.  Maybe I'll just give him a call in a few days or something.  It was great seeing you."

Felicity turns to leave but Thea grabs her wrist, "You know, the beach house isn't all that far away.  I'm sure you remember how to get there."

"Thea, I'm not driving out to a beach house to see someone who specifically went there to get away from people.  Nope.  No."

Thea doesn't say anything.  She just loops her arm into Felicity's and walks her to her car in silence.  When they get there, Thea gives her another hug.  As Thea begins to back away she calls out, "You know, for someone not going on a road trip, you have quite a few bags there in your car.  It's the second turn after the lighthouse." Thea winks and heads back inside.

Felicity wonders how she managed to go from getting out of town to being at Oliver's house to heading to the Queen beach house.  She knows it's a terrible, no good, horrible idea.  She hasn't seen this man in five years.  She doesn't know him and he doesn't know her.  But being in his home made one thing perfectly clear.  She had to do this.  She spent five years believing he was dead and she had to see for herself that he was okay.  She told herself that was all it was.  She would stay for a few minutes, then she'd head back home to Dylan.  Back to her real life.  The life she needed.

Dylan was stability.  He never pressured her to do things she didn't want to do.  He always respected her choices.  When she got a call from Walter Steele, Queen Consolidated's CFO, asking her to please consider accepting a very challenging and career advancing position with the company, Dylan was the first one to tell her to go for it.  Moving across the country for a new job didn't even phase him.  He picked her up and twirled her around her apartment and when he put her down he kissed her and told her he had never been more proud.

He simply packed his things and moved with her.  He was a writer so he could work anywhere and they had just gotten engaged and he couldn't be more excited to start their life together back where all of her family and friends were.

Felicity knew she'd never find a more supportive, gracious man to love her.  When she thought of how Oliver had pushed her away and ran when things got hard, it was easy to see why loving Dylan came so easily for her.

All of these thoughts left her as she pulled into the beach house's driveway.  She sat there a few moments to take in the view.  She had forgotten how beautiful it was.  It was three stories and almost had a farmhouse look to it, mixed with a classic beach house.  Colossal.  She can remember the first time Oliver brought her up here like it was yesterday.

* * *

 

"Oliver Jonas Queen, you did not tell me we were staying at the Queen of England's summer home."

"No.  Just the Queen of Starling."  He laughed as he grabbed her bags out of the trunk.  "Baby, you do realize that we're just staying two nights, right?"

"Do not judge my packing tendencies.  I like to be prepared.  You never know what you'll need."

As he walked past her, he leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on her temple.  "You have a problem."

"You're right, I do have a problem.  I have a very judgmental boyfriend and I have to stay with him in a luxury beach house for two days.  I don't know if I'll make it." She groaned as they were making their way into the living room.

He dropped her bags and turned back around to her.  With a mischievous look on his face he slowly walked towards her and ran his hand up her arm and hooked it around the back of her neck.  He licked his lips and slowly closed the distance between them,  "It sure would be unfortunate if you didn't make it through this weekend.  I have a number of plans for the two of us."

She put her hands on his chest, always very aware of the 6-pack that took residence under his shirt.  She knew he was going to win this game.  Hell, he'd always win this game, and she'd happily let him, "You think you're so smooth don't you?"  She said, a little breathier than she'd like.

He chuckled and she found herself noticing, not for the first time, that she could listen to that laugh for the rest of her life, "Smooth has never been a word I'd use to describe myself, if you'd kindly remember the first time I spoke to you.  No, I'm not smooth." He brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "but I am completely and undeniably in love with you."

Felicity wraps her arms around his neck and stands on her tiptoes to be eye level with him, "Well I'm glad to hear it, because it simply wouldn't do for it to be any other way."  She grins and pulls him into a long, lingering kiss.

"I love you too, Oliver."

"Well I'm glad to hear it.  Come on, let's get everything put away.  There is an ocean that needs its share of scandalous skinny dipping don't you think?"  He winks at her and picks up the bags.

"You read my mind, Queen."

 

* * *

 

 

Felicity blushes just thinking about her visits here.  She shakes her head at the memory that seems like another lifetime.  She reminds herself that the two people in her memories are not the two people here today.

Getting out of her car, she heads to the front door.  Her legs are a little shaky and she suddenly wishes she hadn't eaten such a large breakfast before coming out here.  She stands frozen with her hand hovering over the doorbell.  She doesn't know how long she stands like that.

"So, are you going to ring it or just hope it takes the hint and does it for you?"

Felicity screamed and jumped back, turning towards the voice that surprised her.  On the far end of the porch, hidden by the shrubbery, was a man.  A ghost.  She gasped and took a moment to drink him in.  Things had changed.  Gone was his blonde, shaggy hair.  He had shortly cropped hair and a face full of the most glorious stubble she had ever seen.  He looked older.  Shadows filled his face, but his eyes were the same.  Even from across the porch she could see the most striking set of blue eyes watching her.  Eyes she was sure she'd never see again.

"I didn't mean to startle you." He stood up and moved a few steps in her direction, "What are you doing here?"

Felicity exhaled slowly, "It's not everyday someone comes back from the dead.  I thought I'd see it for myself."  A few seconds pass.

"Well, you've seen it."

"That I have.  Um okay, well.  I guess you're alive.  So I'll leave you to your..porch.  Okay, yeah."  She backed down the steps and makes her way towards her car.  She almost reaches it when she feels a hand on her wrist.  Every nerve ending in her body flies to the fingers on her skin and she slowly turns back to him.

"You want to come inside?"

A moment passes, "Okay."


	4. Chapter 4

Oliver Queen has waited five years to see Felicity Smoak.  He spent five years dreaming of her.  Sometimes his dreams were so vivid he almost believed she was really with him, before he woke and realized he was living in a nightmare he couldn't wake from.  Whenever the island got almost unbearable, when he felt his sanity slipping away, he would imagine her there, telling him to hold on just a little bit longer.  One day at a time, until he could get back to her.

To his surprise, when he did make it home, she wasn't there.  She wasn't at the hospital.  He knows it's been five years.  She could be anywhere, doing anything, but some part of him just knew she was somewhere close.  She had to be.  Then, he got home and she wasn't there either.  He asked Thea about her so he now knew she was in Starling, which meant she chosen not to see him.  That realization had hit him like a bucket of cold water.  Of course she wouldn't want to see him, not after he pushed her away and then left her alone.

He spent a sleepless night in his bedroom, not used to sleeping in a comfortable, safe place.  Nothing had been touched since he left, including all of the pictures of the two of them together.  Hell, she still had a drawer of clothes in his dresser and a toothbrush in the sink.

He woke up the next morning knowing he needed to get out of the house.  Being home, trying to act normal, was driving him insane.  He wasn't normal.  He was broken, and if he was being honest with himself, there was only one person capable of putting him back together, and she never showed.

Imagine Oliver's surprise a few hours later when a young blonde woman in a body hugging, grey dress stood on his porch, frozen in place.  She may be blonde, older, different.  But it was like seeing mirage in the desert.  You knew it was too good to be true but you couldn't help heading towards it with everything inside of you.

They spoke and she turned to leave.  Suddenly, that mirage was gone, leaving him light headed and thirsty, scrambling to get it back.  He raced after her, grabbing her before she disappeared again, like she had done every morning for the last five years.

"You want to come inside?" He held his breath.

"Okay."

 

 

 

The first thing Felicity notices is that nothing has changed about the house.  It feels like she's stepping back in time.  For all intents and purposes, she is.  They walk into the kitchen and she takes a seat at the bar while he heads to the fridge.

"Want a drink?  I have water, beer, or wine."

"Water is fine."  She answers, watching him as though if she looked away he'd vanish and she'd wake up from this dream.

He goes to hand her a glass and she can see his hands are shaking.

"Hey, are you alright?"  She asked, suddenly worried.  She hadn't thought much about how he was doing, physically, since the island.

"Oh.  Yeah, sorry, I'm fine.  Just nervous is all."  He gave her a tight smile and sat down across from her.

"Line forms behind me."  She says and she takes a sip of water.

"So."

"So."

They look at each other for a few moments before Felicity can't take the silence anymore, "Okay, so which elephant in the room do we tackle first?"

He remains silent, carefully thinking of the best response, "How about the one sitting on your left ring finger."

Oh shit.  Felicity looks down at her ring and blushes.  She had forgotten she was even wearing it.  She wants to kick herself for how insensitive she must look, parading it around in front of him without explaining.

"Oh.  Um, yeah.  I'm engaged.  His name is Dylan."  That's all Felicity could manage to think to say. What else was there to say?

She looks up at him and notices his clenched jaw.  She is bombarded with an image of running her hand over his stubble and smoothing out the tension there.  As quickly as that imagine comes, she pushes it away, ashamed for it even crossing her mind.

They sit there in silence for maybe a minute before he sits his drink down and looks her in the eye, "Do you love him?"

If he looked at her with any more intensity she was sure she'd just self combust right then and there.  She is struck with the thought that it if anyone else would have asked her that, she'd be offended.  But the only thing she feels when he asks her is sadness, mixed with a little guilt.

"Yes, I do.  He's a good man."  She's not sure what she expects his response to be but it definitely wasn't the response he gave her.

Something dark flashes behind his deep saphire gaze and suddenly he is relaxed and gives her a polite smile.

He replies, "Well, good.  I'm glad you've found someone that makes you happy.  He's a lucky guy."

Felicity crinkles her eyebrows in confusion before plastering the same polite smile on her face and replies, "Thank you, Oliver.  I appreciate that."

She wasn't sure what they were doing, but she knew they weren't opening up.  If he didn't want to really talk, she sure as hell wasn't going to push him.

She decides they need a less stressful conversation.  She takes another sip of water before putting her glass down and saying, "So, tell me something.  How does someone stuck on an island for five years come back in better shape than we they left?"

For the first time since she's seen him, he genuinely smiles.

"There wasn't much to keep me entertained, Felicity.  I ran and swam a lot.  Climbed trees and rock formations.  You know, the usual stranded on an island work out plan will do that for you."

"What was it like?"  She hoped she wasn't overstepping, "I mean, if you want to share, you don't have to."

He sits there for a moment with an unreadable face before answering, "Cold.  It rained a lot.  As far as deserted islands go, though, I'd say I lucked out.  There was a lot of food and clean water."  

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Oliver.  I know you're making light of the situation for my benefit, but I'm so sorry that happened to you."  Felicity wanted to say that she was sorry for so much more, but that would have to do for now.

Oliver reaches across the table and puts his hand over hers, as if he could read her mind, "Hey. You know what happened wasn't your fault, right?  I made my decisions.  It was an accident and it wasn't your fault."

Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks but she held herself together.  She didn't need him to know just how much she actually did blame herself.  He didn't need to know how much she had needed to hear him say that.

"I'm just really glad you're alive."  She said, her voice sounding more like a whisper than anything else.

"You and me both.  Come on."  He stands and takes her hand, "Lets go for a walk down on the beach. We're wasting a beautiful day sitting inside like this."

 

 

Felicity can honestly say that never in her wildest dreams did she imagine holding Oliver's hand and walking towards the beach together again.  But here she was, holding Oliver's hand and walking towards the beach together again.  She knows she needs to let go.  To move another foot or so away from him, to keep a safe distance.  But knowing that he is alive and feeling that he is alive are two different things.

They walk in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, just enjoying being in each other's company again, however strained and awkward it may be.

Oliver clears his throat and says, "So, what happened with Palmer Technologies?  I figured you'd be running the place by now."

Felicity sighs, knowing she couldn't avoid this forever, "Well that's kind of a funny story. I don't run PT, because I'm a little busy running Queen Consolidated."  She sneaks a look at him and can see the surprise on his face.  She can tell he isn't going to respond so she continues, "I went to Palmer Technologies when the summer ended.  It was a great place and I enjoyed the people I worked with.  I finished my degree early.  I mean I was half way done with it before I had even graduated high school.  So I worked there for about a year and a half after I finished school when I got a phone call from Walter Steele.  He told me that the Head of the Applied Sciences building was retiring and he wanted me to take over.  That out of everyone on the table, they wanted me.  I couldn't pass up a chance like that, especially at 21.  So I packed up and moved back home."

"So what you're telling me is that everything you said was going to happen, happened, and I should've just listened to you in the first place?"

They've stopped walking now and they are standing side by side facing the water, letting the waves wash over their feet.

"Oliver, don't do that." She pleaded with him.  She wasn't sure what she could say.  She knew he'd be upset but what could she say that would change anything that had already happened between the two of them?

Silence.  She can see his jaw clenching and unclenching again.

"Why did you come here, Felicity?  What did you plan on accomplishing by seeing me again?  Just came to tell me you're happily getting married or did you plan on playing the biggest game of I Told You So in the universe?"

She thought he'd be upset.  What she didn't expect was him being pissed.

"Excuse me?"  She looked at him incredulously.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh no.  Nope.  No sir, you don't get to do that.  Act like you don't give a shit about anything or anyone.  You can't just turn off your emotions because you don't like where the conversation is headed."

"I can because I don't.  Give a shit, I mean.  I'm not the guy I was five years ago, Felicity.  There's nothing left here worth talking about." He says, gesturing between the two of them.

Felicity would laugh, if she didn't feel like crying.  Of course this is where this conversation ended up.  He closed himself off and pushed her away.  He really should get an award for that.  The only thing Felicity knew for certain was that she was done with his games and immaturity.  She had done what she set out to do and it was time for her to go home.  To head back to her real life.  The one where the man she loves talks about his feelings and every word doesn't have an ulterior meaning.

She doesn't even acknowledge his words and they silently head back to the house.  As she grabbed her bag and started making her way towards the door she could sense his unease.  He was rubbing his hands together and pacing.  Suddenly, he grabs her hands in his and holds them to his chest.

"I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm sorry.  You don't have to go, I just don't know what to do or say around you.  Talking to you used to be as easy as breathing and I just don't know what to do anymore."  He looked at her pleadingly.

"Oliver, I know everything is weird.  But this was a mistake coming out here.  When you get home, give me a call and we''ll grab lunch or coffee or something.  It doesn't have to be hard forever, okay."  She smiled at him and opens the door to leave.

He lets her go and watches from the porch as she gets in her car.  She gets in the car and lets out a heavy sigh.  That. Was. Hard.  She couldn't really explain anything that had happened just now.  They had said so much, but nothing at the same time.  The only thing she was certain of was that it had to be wrong how right it felt to have her hands in his, to be that close to him again.  She needed to get far far away from the feelings that one touch from him conjured up.

Felicity puts her key in the ignition and starts her car.  Except, her car doesn't start.

"No.  Nooooo.  Damn it.  NO." She closes her eyes and counts back from 5.  Dylan had told her repeatedly to get her engine checked after the light went on.  But no, of course she hadn't.  She cusses under her breath one more time before opening her door and getting back out of the car.

Oliver is sitting on the stairs of his porch, shifting between looking amused and confused.

"My car won't start and my cell phone is dead."  She says as she's walking towards him, "Can I use your phone to call a tow truck?"

"Felicity, don't you remember?  No cell service.  No land lines.  That's why I wanted to come in the first place, to get away from everything."

"Oh. Right, duh.  I remember that.  Okay, so do you think you would mind driving me back to the city?"

Oliver laughs at the situation they've found themselves in.  "Well, I would, but Tommy drove me and he won't be back to get me for two days.  Does anyone know you're here, maybe they'll come looking for you."

"Oh God.  The only person that knows I'm here is Thea."  Felicity sinks down on the step beside him.

"Thea won't come looking for you."

"Nope."

"..."

"..."

"You still like pasta?" Oliver stands up and holds his hand out to help her up.

She sighs and takes it. "It hurts me that you feel you need to ask."


	5. Chapter 5

They sit silently at the dinner table, both barely touching their food.  Oliver, because he had yet to get used to the idea of eating a full meal.  And Felicity, who was on the edge of feeling sick at the very thought of spending two, TWO nights under the same roof as Oliver Queen.

After dinner, Felicity clears the table and Oliver washes the dishes.

"Like riding a bike."  He says quietly enough he's sure she didn't hear him.  He smiles at how effortless they fall back into old patterns.

Felicity found herself thinking that she needed another glass of wine. ' _He knows how to look good doing dishes.  Sweet damn.  No ma'am, Felicity Meghan Smoak.  No.  These are purely platonic circumstances.  They will remain that way.  You can be just friends.  Friends.  As long as he always keeps 3 or so feet away from me.  And wears a shirt.  A turtleneck.'_

Forcing those thoughts out of her mind, she clears the last bit of food off the table, grabs her glass of wine, and sits at the bar.

She couldn't help but notice that whenever she looked up he'd be gazing at her, not bothering to act as though he wasn't.  It reminded her of how they met in the first place and she smiled at the memory.

"What's so funny?"  Oliver asks, catching her facial expression.

Felicity meets his inquiring gazes and answers, "Ah. Yeah, I was just thinking about the first time you talked to me and how entertaining, for lack of a better word, it was.  Watching you babble away.  It floored me how you could be so popular and smooth with all the ladies if that's how you acted alone with me."

He laughs and her breath catches.  That laugh.  She had mourned the loss of Oliver and all the things that made him, him.  Including his laugh.  It still shocked her that this was real.  That he was in front of her, very much alive.

Oliver, not noticing the shift in her demeanor, answers her, "Well, you were intimidating, Felicity.  Cut a guy a break!"

That got Felicity's attention.  Intimidating was not a word she would use to describe herself, "Me?  Intimidating?  Pfft.  Please.  You were the quarterback.  The Captain of the wrestling team.  No way I was intimidating."

"Oh please, Smoak, you were the smartest person I had ever met.  I wanted to make a good impression."  Oliver dries his last pan, grabs his own wine glass, and heads towards the back door, "Want to sit on the deck?"

"Sure."  She replies, making her way to the door he's holding open for her, "You did, by the way.  Make a good impression, I mean."

He glances down and smiles as he heads out behind her.

They sit quietly for a few minutes, just listening to the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore.  The sun had completely set, so the only light comes from kitchen windows.

Felicity begins to wonder how long they will sit in silence, until Oliver speaks up, "You know, you'd think being on a beach, listening to the sound of the ocean would bother me, bring me back to that island.  But it doesn't.  In fact, hearing it always kept me calm.  I liked to watch the waves and imagine them carrying me back home." silently he adds, _to you._

Felicity takes a moment to think of the best way to respond.  But she realizes that he's not looking for her to pity him or to tell him that it'll get better or easier.  Despite the years and the distance, she knows him.  He just wants someone to share a moment with, to share something with someone.  He's brave and enduring.  She takes a second to thank whoever is in charge that he didn't let what happened take his humanity away.

"You are remarkable, Oliver."  She said before she could think to stop herself.

His lips slightly turn up as he looks over his glass at her, "Thank you for remarking on it."  He puts his glass down rubs his palms together.  What he knows he needs to bring up is making him nervous, but he can't avoid it any longer.

He lets out a heavy sigh, "So. The wedding."

Felicity crinkles her forehead.  The wedding.  Dylan.  She honestly hadn't thought about it once since she sat down at the dinner table.  How the hell was she supposed to explain a three day sleepover with her ex boyfriend?  Would there even be a wedding in three weeks?  She realizes she hasn't answered him.  She should probably say something.

"Ah yes.  The wedding.  It's in Starling...on the 25th of this month."

Oliver's eyes light up in surprise before he puts back on his mask of indifference and responds, "Oh wow, that's right around the corner.  Looks like I made it back just in time.  I'd hate to miss something so important."

She couldn't tell if he was just trying to lighten the mood or actually thought he was invited to her wedding.  All the air left her lungs.  The thought of walking down the aisle to Dylan while Oliver looked on seemed like the most ridiculous idea she had ever heard of.  It was laughable.

Felicity panics, really panics, "Oh. No, you will not be anywhere near my wedding!"  She blurts out before clamping her hand over her mouth.

Oliver looks as though she just slapped him.  He obviously knew he wouldn't be attending her special day.  The very thought of him looking on as Felicity married this Dylan character was just ridiculous.  Laughable, even.  He was just trying to keep the mood light.  But to hear her so adamantly against him being a part of her new life, when just earlier she had promised they'd get to a better place, did something to him.  How dare she push him away when he had just gotten back.  Obviously, she just feels guilty.  He was stupid to think there was any hope after all of this time.  Well, she doesn't have to act for his benefit.

He knows he's shifted to the defensive.  But he can't handle being hurt by her, again.  With an unreadable expression carefully placed back on his face, he replies, "You're right. I don't know why I said that.  I've got a lot of catching up to do.  Tommy mentioned something about Vegas.  I missed my 21st birthday, you know.  Hell, I haven't been laid in five years." He gives her his biggest billionaire playboy smile and continues, "So I wouldn't set a place card for me."

"There it is again." Her eyes narrow in on him, "You realize I can actually see the second you decide to be a dick.  Look.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to sound so rude.  I just don't know if you being there would be such a good idea, with our history and everything."  She waits for him to apologize too and then head back to safe waters, where they had been lightly treading.  His response is not what she expected at all.

He laughs, "With our history?"  He knew this was the wrong direction to go, but he couldn't stop himself,  "We dated when we were teenagers and then we broke up.  It wasn't that big of a deal then.  It isn't now."

He can see the look of hurt flash over her face and he instantly wishes he could take it back.  But no, the damage was done.

"You know what, Oliver.  It seems like your time away led me to forget how much of an asshole you could be.  Thanks for the reminder.  I'm going to bed."  She gets up and he grabs her hand.

"Felicity, wait. I'm --"

"Don't," she calmly extracts her hand from his, "touch me."

He sits on the deck for a while longer, head tilted back, looking at the stars.  He wonders how he got in this mess.  He got Felicity.  He loved Felicity.  He lost Felicity.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  How many more chances could he get before the universe gave up on him?

He heads upstairs to find Felicity's door closed and lights already off.  He sighs and heads to the master bedroom.  He peels off his t-shirt and changes into a pair of grey sweatpants before climbing into bed.  He prays he sleeps tonight.  The last thing he needs is for her to know about the nightmares.  He doesn't need another thing for her to feel guilty over.

 

 

It's a little after 3 a.m. when Felicity hears it.  She sits up and tilts her head in confusion, still partially asleep.  Why is Oliver moaning in the middle of the night?  There wasn't any time for her mind to take a dirty detour because the moans immediately shifted into an all out scream.  Felicity throws her covers back and runs towards Oliver's room.  She's never heard anyone sound so scared and she feels her blood rush to her head at the thought of the source of his terror.

She finds him tangled in his sheets, shirt off.  For a millisecond, Felicity freezes.  All she can do is gawk at the beautiful specimen before her, you know, for science.  She quickly gets it together and runs towards said beautiful special specimen, because those are some not so beautiful sounds coming from him.

She puts her hands on each side of his face,"Oliver. Hey, Oliver, look at me.  Listen to my voice, it's Felicity.  You're having a bad dream.  Wake up, it's just a dream, it's not real Oliver."

All of a sudden Felicity is on her back, looking up at Oliver, who has both hands around her throat.  ' _T_ _his could be kind of hot if he wasn't trying to kill me'_ , she briefly thought to herself before the panic set in.  She tries to pry his hands off of her, to will him to look at her and really see her.  Oliver loosens his grip slightly, just adjust his position, and Felicity uses this opportunity to scream.  She screams his name so loud that he looks as though someone poured a bucket of cold water on him.

His eyes focus in on hers and she can see the clarity forming in his mind.  He jerks himself away from her, holding his hands out in front of them, as though they're contaminated.

Felicity gasps for air as she sits up in his bed.

"Oh God.  Felicity, I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to, Oh God I'm so sorry.  I'm so so sorry, Felicity.  I could've killed you.  You could've died!  Oh my God."

Oliver backs himself into and corner and slides to the floor, shaking, placing his head into his hands, "I'm sorry."  He just keeps repeating those two words over and over again.  He doesn't notice that Felicity has gotten off of his bed and is kneeling on the floor in front of him until he feels her hands on his forearms.

"Hey.  Look at me.  Oliver.  Look at me...please."  Slowly, he looks up at her and she gasps at what she sees in his eyes.  She's never seen anyone look so vulnerable and shattered.  It broke her heart.

Tears were falling freely off of his cheeks and she uses both hands to wipe them away, "Hey, shhh, Oliver." She rests her forehead on his,  "You didn't kill me.  I'm right here.  I'm okay.  We're both going to be okay."

They sat on the floor, looking at each other, as if they had finally let it sink in that this was real.  After five years, they were together.

Its Oliver who speaks first.  He reaches out and wipes a tear from her cheek, "I thought I'd never see you again.  Days turned into months turned into years and every day I would wake up and my first thought would be 'I wonder if today is the day she moves on.  Is today the day she forgets what my voice sounds like?  Or how my hand fits in hers?  Is today the day I'm really lost?"

Felicity isn't sure how to respond to that.  He's being open and honest and that's great.  But he isn't the one with a wonderful fiance waiting patiently for a call that won't come anytime soon.

It's not like she could say that she spent everyday wishing she could take back their fight.  That she cried herself to sleep every single night for almost 2 months.  She couldn't tell him that she'd wake up and for a moment, just a moment, everything was okay, and then she'd remember.  And it was like losing him all over again.  And she definitely couldn't tell him that even now, occasionally she'd wake up in Dylan's arms and for a second, before she fully woke, she could almost believe she was with him.

No, none of those things would work.  They'd just make everything harder than it already was.

So she answers, "I could never forget you, Oliver.  Thinking you were dead was the hardest thing I've ever been through."

He looks up towards the ceiling, then back down at her.  With a steady gaze he replies, "It's never going to get easier for me."

She tilts her head in confusion, "What?"

"Looking at you."  He sighs and continues, "You being right here, so close, but nothing is the same.  I spent everyday waiting, praying to get back the life that I lost.  But that life is gone and I don't see that getting any easier for me."

Felicity is shocked by his transparency.  It was crazy how his emotions shifted so quickly.  She supposed five years of being alone could do that to someone.  All she wanted to do was gather him in her arms and tell him everything would be okay.  Only, she herself, didn't know if it every would.

He beats her to a response, "I'm sorry.  None of that is your fault.  Or your problem.  Just forget I said anything."

Felicity huffs, "Seriously, Oliver. Stop trying to push me away. I'm not going anywhere."  She's not sure where the line they've been dancing around is but she can feel herself slowly creeping over it.  Trying to correct herself, she adds, "However, it's almost 4 a.m. and this conversation deserves well rested participants.  Come on, let's both get some sleep."  She stands and then helps pull him up.

Oliver, still looking visably shaken from his nightmare and everything that followed, makes his way back into his bed.

Felicity glances his way one more time before heading towards his door.  She'd do anything to keep him from hurting anymore than he already was.

"Felicity?" He whispers, almost too quiet to hear.

She freezes with one hand on the door knob.  She turns around, "Yeah?"

"Can you please...I mean..could you just stay for a few minutes?  Just until I fall asleep?"

If Felicity's heart wasn't broken from the look he gave her earlier, it was surely shattered by the way his voice sounded now, so scared and damaged.

She doesn't give herself time to debate all of the countless reasons why this is a horrible idea.

"Okay."  And, not for the first time, Felicity crawls into bed with Oliver Queen.


	6. Chapter 6

Have you ever woken up somewhere you shouldn't be?  Maybe you passed out at a party, or fell asleep at a friends house.  Maybe you went home with someone you shouldn't have.  Do you remember the feeling, you're disoriented for a moment before grasping where you are.  And then comes the 'oh shit' moment.  Everyone has been there before.

Felicity is having one of those mornings.

The first thing that registers in Felicity's mind is that she's hot.  Really hot.  Her second thought is that the bed she's in may be the most comfortable bed she's ever been in, except her pillow.  It was as hard as a rock.  Felicity moved to re-adjust her pillow and realizes she can't move her arms.  She's pinned to the mattress.  Reluctantly, she opens her eyes and then the 'oh shit' moment hits her.

_'THAT is not a pillow.  That is Oliver's arm.  Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph I cannot move because his other arm is laying on top of me.  And I'm so damn hot because his bare chest is on my back and he's breathing on my neck.  Oh shit.   Oh. Shit.'_

Felicity takes a few calming breaths.  She tells herself that it's fine.  She just fell asleep and now she was awake.  All she had to do was get out before he woke up.  No harm, no foul.  The problem was that she was stuck.

And then there was another problem.  A very small part of her didn't want to move.  She lost him.  It was the same story with Oliver.  She'd get him.  She'd love him.  And then she'd lose him.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  She knew when he woke up, this moment would be over.  This wasn't reality, she knew that.  But just for a few minutes, she could pretend she was 19 again and cuddling with the boy who owned her heart.  Not 24 and spooning with a shirtless man who wasn't her fiance.

She took a deep breath and decided that if this was the last time she'd get the chance to be this close to Oliver Queen, she was going to make the most of it.

Very carefully, she rotated around so that she was facing his sleeping form.  She wanted to look at him.  Really look.  She'd spent years broken, damaged, and mourning this man and now she was laying beside him.  It was almost too much.  People didn't get miracles like this.  She closes her eyes and curls herself into him, resting her head under his chin, hands on his chest.

His heartbeat under her finger tips does it for her.  The tears come swiftly.  Sobs she didn't know were pent up came rushing out and all she can do is try to keep them quiet.

She doesn't know how long she lays like that, silently crying into his chest.  Ever so softly, she feels the arm underneath her neck pull her in and wrap around her.  The arm that has rested on top of her comes up and strokes her hair.  She pulls back to look at him and when she does he gives her a sad smile and wipes a tear off of her cheek.

They don't say anything for a while, they just lie there, taking comfort in each other's embrace.

It's Oliver who finally ended the silence, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Oliver sighs.  He's not sure where to begin, "I don't know, do you want to start last night when I said I'd rather be in Vegas, getting shit faced and laid than to be supportive of your marriage?  Or we could start where I almost choked you to death.  Or when I guilted you into sleeping here with me instead of letting you go.  Or we could throw it back to when you asked me not to give up on us and I got on a yacht instead.  Where would you like to begin?"

Felicity hugs him tighter and buries her face in his chest, "I don't want to do this right now."

"Felicity, we can't keep talking around things.  All it's done is lead to fighting."

"Do you want to know why I was crying when you woke up?"

Oliver frowns, pulling back from her some so that he can see her, "I do."

"I was crying because you're here.  Your heart is beating and you're here beside me.  I spent five years telling myself this part of my life was over.  I became a different person when you died, Oliver.  I had to.  The person I was when you were here was gone the minute you got on that boat.  You were a part of me and when you died, a part of me died too."

She took a shaky breath and continued, "So, you see, with you gone, I had to fill in the empty part of me.  I filled it with school and work and friends but no matter what I put there, it wasn't enough.  It wasn't full.  And then I met Dylan.  He was this wonderful man.  He was everything I didn't realize I was missing.  And I've spent the last two years loving him and being loved by him, and I do love him, Oliver.  I really do and I --"

Oliver interrupts her, "So, you were crying because you feel guilty.  You've moved on and fallen in love again and now here I am and I've ruined everything for you."  He takes a deep breath, "Your life would've been easier if I had never come back."

"You're right." She responds and Oliver feels colder than he ever felt alone on that island.  He releases her and rolls over onto his other side away from her.

"Well then that's what I'll start with apologizing for."  He feels her shift on the bed and he's sure she's getting up to leave.  To his surprise he feels a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see her looking back at him.  For a moment all he can do is gape at the image before him.  Her hair is messy and her clothes are wrinkled.  She looks disheveled in every way a person could and he couldn't imagine looking at anyone more beautiful.

"My life would've been easier if you never came back.  I should get out of this bed.  I should go."  She looks at him with an intensity he's never seen before.

Something dark flashes in his eyes, "You should go.  You shouldn't be in my room."

"But I am."

"You are."

Felicity Smoak knows a bad idea when she sees it.  And this bad idea is currently half naked and staring up at her from a mattress.  This bad idea has stubble she knows will burn her.  Lips she vividly remembers being very talented.  And hands that have held her a thousand times.  Hands that clenched and unclenched, as if holding back until a decision was made.

Oliver doesn't know what shifted in the room.  One moment he was sure she was leaving him to sulk alone and the next minute they're in a stare off.  A very sexual stare off, he might add.  He has to keep clenching his fists to keep from grabbing her and taking her on the bed this very second.  No, this needs to be her decision.  He loves her.  He's in love with her.  But he's not going to be the guy who pressures a taken woman into something she isn't sure she wants.

So he continues to lie on his back, locking eyes with her, willing her to do something.  He doesn't have to wait long.  The hand that has been pressed to his shoulder slowly moves across his chest.  He sucks in a breath, jaw clenching, but doesn't make a move.

Felicity knows that everything she is thinking about and in the act of doing is wrong.  Bad.  But something happened to her when he said that her life would be easier if he'd never come back.  He was right.  It's be so much easier.  But she realized something.  The world without him in it was nice.  She was pleased with her life.  But since stepping on the porch of this beach house, words such as pleasant and nice hadn't crossed her mind once.  Intoxicating.  Frustrating.  Passionate.  Captivating.  Those were Oliver words.

And that was the difference.

Her mouth descends upon his and any of their thoughts of right and wrong, being a good guy, having a fiance, all go out the window.

Once they kissed it was like a spark ignited and they were both ablaze.  With passion.  Need.  Love.  Everything hit them at once and there wasn't enough skin to roam.

Oliver pulls her on top of him and rakes his hands over her shoulders, down her back before resting on her ass.

Felicity groans into his mouth at the movement.  One of her hands is gripping the back of his neck while the other roams freely over his washboard abs.

Oliver's hands make their way back up to her shoulders, where they rest on the traps of her tank top.  With everything that had happened last night, Felicity hadn't even thought about the fact that she had on nothing underneath her flimsy tank top.

Oliver breaks away from the kiss and looks up at her, silently asking if she was okay.  If this was okay.

When she nods, he's back to business.  Her shirt is over her head and on the other side on the room in seconds and then their bodies are crashing back together.  Oliver never thought he'd feel her skin on his again and every touch, every kiss, every sound she made was more than he could wish for.

He rolls her over so that she is laying on her back.  He begins a trail of kisses down her neck and across her collarbone.  Both of his hands are holding Felicity's above her head as his continues his trail down her chest all the way to her naval.

It takes everything in Felicity to not combust right then and there.  She rolls her head back and lets the pleasure consume her.  She's wet with need for him but wants to take her time. She wants to remember every second of this.  It isn't until he licks her from her belly button all the way back up to her neck that she decides she can't hold still any longer.

She releases his hands and brings hers down over his shoulders as she deepens their kiss.  Oliver is rested between her legs and he runs a hand down her leg as she raises it to wrap around him.  Her fingernails scratch down his back as she makes her way to the waist of his sweatpants.  She runs her hands around to the front of him, grazing his hip bones before dragging her nails back up his abs to his chest.

Oliver moans and grinds down on her as she reciprocates upward.  The hand that has been resting on her thigh moves north towards her shorts.  His fingers make their way under her shorts and he breaks away from their kiss again, "Is this--"

"Oliver."  She puts her hands on the sides of his face, rubbing them on his stubble, "Take them off.  Right now."

Oliver grinned and captured her mouth with his again.  The fingers that were under the hem of her shorts quickly hooked underneath her underwear and pulled, taking both the underwear and the shorts with them.

Just as quickly as her shorts came off she was untying the drawstring of his sweatpants.  He rested his weight on his elbow and pulled them down and off of him before resuming his work at her mouth and neck.

Again, he began his quest down her chest towards her abdomen, except this time he didn't stop there and Felicity felt her core tighten in anticipation.

And then he moves back up toward her chest and giggles into her stomach as she huffs, "Oliver!  Stop teasing me!"

"Just making sure you still hated that."

She pulls his head up so that he's looking right into her narrowed eyes, "Now.  Right now, Oliver Jonas Queen."

He grins, "Yes ma'am."  And with almost no hesitation, he is inside her.

She gasps and adjusts herself to fit his length.

And then they are moving.  They meet each other equally with every thrust.  He's got one hand on her thigh and the other is cupping her face as he plants kisses on her neck.

She can feel herself losing control.  The pressure is building.  She knows he's close too, he's beginning to lose his rhythm.  As if he could sense her urgency he lifts her leg higher and pounds into her with all of his strength.

And that's all it took.  Felicity feels herself come completely undone.  Her walls clamp down around him and she see stars.  Her toes cramp and she is sure without a shadow of a doubt that this is the most powerful orgasm she has ever had.

Oliver continues his steady thrusts through her orgasm, finding one of his own.  He screams out her name and his head falls beside hers and he places light kisses on her shoulder as they both come down from their respective highs.

He slowly removes himself from her and collapses beside her . Felicity lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, "Wow."

"Yeah."

"No, I mean.  Like, wow." She glances over at him to find him with his hands behind his head, grinning from ear to ear, "You certainly look proud of yourself."

"I haven't had sex in five years, Felicity."

She laughs, "Well, I'm glad I could end your drought."

He rolls over on his side, looking down at her as he lays his hand on her stomach, "I'd wait another five if it meant it'd be with you again."

She leans up and places a gentle kiss on his lips, "You don't have to wait five more years.  But you're going to have to wait until after breakfast.  Feed me.  Please."

He rolls onto his back again and chuckles, "You are remarkable."

She smiles, "Thank you for remarking on it."

 

Oliver is still smiling as he makes his way down to the kitchen to scramble some eggs.  He doesn't know what is going to happen tomorrow when Tommy comes.  He doesn't know where he and Felicity even stand.  But nothing was going to ruin today.  It was the only day they had that was unscathed by the outside world.  They'd worry about everything else tomorrow.

Or, at least that's what he had thought, until he walked into the kitchen.

"Thea?"

"Hello big brother." She looked pleased with herself, "Did I interrupt something?"

"What are you talking about?"

She laughed, "Oh, I don't know Ollie, maybe the scratch marks all over your chest and your back.  Did you do that yourself?"

Oliver winced, "What are you doing here?"

"We have a problem."


	7. Chapter 7

"Thea, what are you talking about?"  Oliver doesn't like the sound of 'We have a problem'.  He was counting on having another day of no problems to figure everything out.  'We have a problem' doesn't work for him.

"Okay.  First off, you have to promise to not get mad at me."  She clamps her hands together and presses them to her mouth, waiting for his answer.

"Thea!"

"PROMISE ME."

Oliver runs one hand through his cropped hair and down his face, "I promise."

Thea nods her head, takes a deep breath, and begins, "Okay so you see, Operation Olicity was going perfectly until Felicity's damn mother ruined everything.  I swear, the one thing I overlooked..  Anyways, Sara got her to leave for a few days.  I got her out here.  Tommy waited until she came inside to pull one of her spark plugs out.  I mean... you're welcome.  But then freaking Donna Smoak has to go and blab to Dylan about your resurrection and the next thing I know, Sara is calling me, telling me Dylan is on his way to the mansion. "  She takes another deep breath, "So I left Diggle in charge of postponing him as long as possible so I could get out here and put together a game plan.  Tommy's on his way too.  He is of no importance, he just wants to watch."

Moments pass.  Oliver is trying extremely hard to stay calm.

"Two questions.  One, what the hell is Olicity?  and Two, how did you four come up with this plan in the 24 hours since I've been home?"  Oliver sits down at the bar.

"Olicity is Oliver and Felicity meshed together.  It just saves time.  And pretty much the second I was told you were alive I started thinking of how to get her back for you.  You know, after I was all excited my brother wasn't dead, I mean."

Oliver puts his head in his hands and groans, "I can't believe you were behind this.  What happened to my cute little 14 year old sister?"

"She grew up, Ollie.  And she's here to fix everything.  Somehow.  I mean, I'm not like, 100% sure how yet.  But it'll come to me.  I'm confident."  She gives him an optimistic smile.

He doesn't return it, "What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Tell me what?"

Oliver and Thea spin towards the staircase, where Felicity is standing.

"Thea?  What going on?"  She asks again, tilting her head in confusion.

"Lis!  Oh my gosh!  What are you doing here?  Was that your car out there?  I didn't even notice.  Oliver?" She turns and silently pleads with Oliver to help her.

Oliver drops his head in defeat and sighs, "Thea came to tell us that Dylan is on his way."

"WHAT?"  Felicity asks in a high pitched, panicked yell.  "No.  Oh god, NO.  He cannot be coming here, he doesn't even know where here is.  How does he know I'm here, Thea?!"

"Well, you see, I was just telling Ollie that your mom may have mentioned to Dylan that your dead ex boyfriend turned up very much alive two days ago and he may have put two and two together.  And well--"

"Wait, how do you know my mom talked to him?"  Felicity interrupts.

"Oh, sorry, yeah, Sara called me after he called her asking where you went and so then--"

Felicity interrupts again, "Since when do you and Sara talk?  I didn't even know you knew each other!"

"Felicity."  Thea responds calmly, "I am trying to tell a story.  Are you done interrupting me?"

Felicity narrows her eyes and huffs, "Continue."

"Thank you.  Now, as I was saying--"

The front door busts open and in walks the ever charming Tommy Merlyn, "Oh my God did I miss it!?  The traffic was terrible and I couldn't find the shoes that match my car and I was so sure he'd beat me here, he didn't, did he?"

"Sweet baby Jesus, I'm never going to get done with this story."

"Tommy?"  Felicity questioned, with a shocked expression plastered to her face.

"Lis!  Long time no see.  Love the blonde on you, definitely your color!"  Then he glances at Thea and whispers, "Does she know?  Is she mad?"

"I'M RIGHT HERE.  I CAN HEAR YOU AND I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON."  She yelled.

"Tommy, Sara, and I may have gotten you both out here and then pulled the spark plug out of your car so you'd have to stay and talk.  But we figured you'd have more time to figure things out with Tommy not coming back until tomorrow.  And then Sara called and told me your mom blabbed and now Dylan is being detained at the mansion by Diggle for a full car inspection and so I raced out here to warn you and come up with a plan and Tommy just wanted to watch."  Thea gasped for air.

Felicity puts her hands on the top of her head and turned in a circle.  She is at a loss for words.  The weight of everything she's been told and everything she's done hits her all at once.  She cheated on Dylan.  Cut and dry.  No matter what way you look at it.  She made a promise to a wonderful man, and she broke it.  Her friends may have handed her the gun, but she pulled the trigger.  She realizes she's not breathing.

It's Oliver who finally speaks up, getting up and making his way towards Felicity, "Okay, calm down Felicity, breathe.  Come on, lets go sit on the deck and calm down for a few minutes."

She lets him lead her to the back doors without any hesitation.  She's in shock.  He sits her down in one of the chairs and moved to sit in the one beside her.  They sit quietly for a few minutes, just breathing in the salt air.

Oliver finally looks over at her, "What are you going to do, Lis?"

There is a beat of silence before she whispers, "I don't know."

Oliver rubs his hands together and then leans his head back on the deck chair, "So, we're back to nothing, then?  You can't just pretend it didn't happen."

"I know it happened and it was incredible!  But it was reckless, Oliver.  I have a fiance, who is on his way here, who's going to be heartbroken when he finds out what I've done."  She's trying desperately to hold in the tears that are stinging her eyes.

"So what, huh, you just sleep with me, and then head back him.  Was that you're plan for coming out here?"  Oliver stands up from his chair, knocking it over, and walks towards to railing.

"No, but I made a promise to him.  I gave him my word."

He spins around to face her, giving her an incredulous look, "Your word?  Your word?!  Don't you think it's kind of late for promises?  Huh?"

She yells back at him, "I don't know, Oliver!  I guess I'll find out."  She takes a shaky breath, "I've got to go.  He can't come out here."

"You're a coward."  He says so quietly, she almost didn't hear him.  Almost.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me.  You're a coward.  You're scared.  Maybe even bored.  You wouldn't have come out here if there wasn't something missing and you know it!"

"Be careful!"  She says as she waves her hands around his face, "Make sure there's enough room to breath with all that ego floating around you!  Asshole!"  She turns towards the door but he grabs her hand and twists her around so that he's blocking the way.

"Would you just stay, please?"  He asks her, exasperatedly.

"I have to go."

"Stop.  Look, five years ago I asked you to stay and I shouldn't have.  But this isn't wrong."  He gestured between the two of them,"This isn't reckless.  It's you and me, Felicity.  This is the most natural and right thing there is.  Don't walk away from it.  Don't take the easy way out."

"The easy way?!  God, Oliver there is no easy way!  Nothing about this is simple!"  She was crying.

"Let me simplify it for you.  What do you want?"  Oliver waits before repeating. "What do you want?  Do you want him?  Or do you want me?"

Felicity closes her eyes in hopes that this is all just a dream and she'll open them and all of this pain will be gone.  When she opens them, his blue eyes are burning holes in her.

So she takes a breath and replies, "I need to go."

Oliver's jaw clenches and he releases her hand.  He looks at her pleadingly one more time before stepping aside to unblock the door.

 

 

She swings open the door and two bodies fall over each other onto the floor in front of her.

"Oh shit!"

"Ow ow ow ow, get off, you're on my leg, Tommy, YOU'RE ON MY LEG!"

Thea and Tommy scramble to crawl off of each other and if Felicity wasn't completely numb, she would've laughed at the sight.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry.  That was such a movie thing to happen, I really thought you'd use the left door.  That's totally on me." Thea apologizes quickly and moves to the side as Felicity walks by her.

"Tommy, put my spark whatever back in my car while I get my stuff."  Felicity doesn't look back as she heads upstairs.

"Right, yeah. Sorry."  He rubs the back of his head, looks at Thea and then out towards the back deck, but doesn't see Oliver.

 

 

Thea makes her way across the sand to where her brother is standing in the surf.  She silently stands next to him and takes his hand in hers.

"What am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know, big brother.  I wish I did.  But I do know that she was wrong.  And that she'll realize it one day."  She turns to see his face and almost wishes she hadn't.  She's never seen someone look so broken.

He drops his head, "She's gone, Thea."  And then the tears come.  She pulls him into a hug and holds him there, praying, not for the first time, that a miracle saves her brother.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Felicity has to pull over twice to get control of her emotions.  The second time she pulls over she realizes she has cell service again and sends a text to Dylan.   _Coward,_ she thought to herself.  She told him she wasn't at the beach house, she was headed towards her apartment.  He responded quickly, saying he'd be there shortly.

Felicity is torn.  Completely torn.  A part of her knows she'll always be safe and loved and cherished by Dylan.  Any girl would kill to be with him.  How could she want more?  He should be the right guy.  He's the right choice.  Of course he is.  Oliver was risky and messy and hell, they had three full on fights in one 24 hour period.  They were explosive.  Frenzied.  Uncontrollable.

She knows what she needs to do as she pulls into a parking spot at her apartment.  Dylan's car is already here.

Standing in front of her door, she takes one deep breath, settling her pulse, before opening it.  She finds him sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen, looking out the window.  "Hi."  She says, quietly.

He looks at her then back out the window, "Hey."

She puts her bags down and slowly makes her way to the stool next to him.  She takes a seat and lets out a heavy sigh before speaking, "I'm guessing you have questions."

Dylan somberly responds, "You could say that."  He finally looks away from the window and back at her, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"About him not being dead?  I don't know.  I was in shock.  I spent five years thinking he was dead and then all of a sudden he wasn't and I just freaked out."

He nods, "I get that.  I mean, why didn't you tell me about him, in general?  When you're mom told me Oliver Queen was alive, I looked like a fool for having no clue why that was important.  You never talked about him and I just took it as something you wanted to keep in the past.  Now, I think I need to know."

Felicity inwardly groans.  She doesn't want to hash out her and Oliver's history for the second time today.  But it needs to happen, "All of it?"  She questions.

"All of it."

She takes a breath and begins, "We met in a high school literature class our junior year.  We dated for three years.  When I got an opportunity to go to Palmer Technologies and I took it without talking to him about it, we started having problems.  He thought I was selfish deciding on something so important without thinking of him.  I thought he was selfish for not supporting such an amazing career opportunity.  We tried to avoid the subject for a couple of weeks.  But then I found out he accepted a business trip that would last two months in China.  We got in another big blow out fight and he told me he needed space.  He was scared that the distance wouldn't work so he pushed me away before he got the chance to get hurt."  She looks down at her hands that are playing with a loose string on her shirt, "Looking back, that's what I was doing by accepting the job offer in the first place.  Anyways, I told him if he wanted to break up with me then he could just go ahead and do it.  And he didn't say anything so I did it instead.  I told him I hated him and then he left the building."

Dylan looks at her with an unreadable face.  Before he has the chance to respond, she adds, "Oh, and then he died the next day." His eyes spark with sympathy, "Now do you see why I didn't want to share?"

He reaches over and takes her hand in his, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Felicity is floored by the man sitting next to her.  Even as she's telling him about her love for another man, he's kind and patient and supportive.

"Felicity, what happened at the beach house?"

_Well shit._ Felicity knew it was coming but she had no clue how to answer him.  What could she say that wouldn't break his heart?

Her silence seemed like enough of an answer for him, "You slept with him." He says . It's not a question.  He knows.

She looks up at him, meeting his gaze, "I'm so sorry, Dylan."  Tears spill over and she continues, "I didn't go there with that intention, I swear.  I just wanted to see for myself that he was really alive.  And then things got complicated and all of these feelings I had buried so long ago came rushing back and I'm just so sorry.  I gave you my word and I broke it."

"Hey, Lis, stop crying."  He wipes a tear away and thinks for a moment before continuing, "I want to hate you, you know." He sighs, "I really want to get up and walk out of this apartment and never see you again.  But then I'd be breaking my promise.  When I asked you to marry me I promised you that if you said yes we could get through anything.  I'd take you at your best and worst.  So, despite everything, I love you and I don't want to lose you."

"I love you too, Dylan, I do. And--"

"If you love me and I love you then we can get through this.  I'm the guy for you, Lis.  We fit.  We can fix this."  He interrupts her.

She squeezes his hand, "I know you're the right guy." He sighs in relief, but she continues, "But, I'm not in love with you."

That sentence hangs in the air for a few moments before he responds, "Why?  What did I do?"

She could hear the sadness in his voice and it would've broken her heart if it wasn't already shattered, "You didn't do anything, Dylan.  When I promised you forever, I meant it.  I swear I did.  But I promised my heart to a different boy seven years ago and he never gave it back.  When he died, that part of my heart died too and I adjusted.  I survived.  I was happy.  It wasn't until he came back that I realized I wasn't whole.  And I can't go back to a partial me again.  No matter how much easier it would be."

She holds her breath, hoping he understands.

"Well."  He stands up, "I guess that's it then, huh?" He doesn't sound angry, just disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Dylan."  She stands up, takes off the ring, and hands it back to him.

He sighes and puts it in his jacket pocket before cupping her face with his hands, "I would've loved you forever, Felicity Smoak.  I'm just sorry I didn't get the chance to."  He leans in and gives her a chaste, bittersweet kiss.  And then he's gone, leaving her in her kitchen, shaky and alone.

 

It's Sara who finds her a couple of hours later in her closet, "What the hell Felicity!  I've been to this damn apartment twice looking for you and you've been in here the whole time!"  She puts her hand up to her ear before speaking, "Guys, I've got eyes on the package.  She is secure. Roger."

"What the actual fuck?"  Felicity looks up from the bottle of wine she's drinking straight from to her friend.

"We may have taken this who Operation thing a little too seriously.  We were worried about you.  I saw Dylan leave and then got no word from you, I assumed it didn't go so well."  She moves to sit down in her closet with her.

"Why were you watching my apartment building?"  Felicity lays her head on her friend's shoulder.

Sara sighes, "Thea."

"Say no more."

"What happened?"  Sara inquires after a few moments of silence.

"I cheated on Dylan.  He wanted to work through it.  I broke up with him."  She huffs, "In totally unrelated news, Satan is saving me a special seat right next to him in Hell."

Sara laughs, "Oh shut it, Smoak, people have done worse.  At least you didn't marry him, knowing good and well you're in love with Oliver."

"He begged me to stay and I walked away from him.  He asked me what I wanted and I told him I had to go.  I broke his heart too, Sara.  No amount of being in love with him is going to change that now."

Sara rolls her eyes, "You're so dramatic.  Just go back out there and tell him you were wrong.  Boom.  Answered your problem.  You're welcome."

"You didn't see the look on his face.  He's done."

Sara huffs, "Hold on."  Her hand is back on her ear, "Thea, do you have eyes on Gilligan?  Right.  Copy that."  She looks at Felicity, who is currently rolling her eyes, "Thea says he's drinking on the deck.  Tommy introduced him to Adele and it's been a rough afternoon.  That doesn't sound like someone who's over it and ready to move on.  That sounds exactly like someone who's waiting for you to change your mind and come back."

Felicity sits up, "I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"I've been drinking.  I can't drive."

Sara smiles, "Diggle is down front waiting for you."

Felicity leans her head back against the wall, "You know, you're doing a real shitty job of helping me wallow in self pity like a good best friend should.  You didn't bring ice cream or Nicolas Sparks movies.  There is no Chinese take out or hard liquor.  Poor excuse of a friend is what you are."

Sara stands up, "All of that will be waiting here if things don't work out.  But it's only acceptable to wallow in self pity if you've done all you can.  And quite frankly, I've only seen a B+ effort from you."  She reaches out her hand and Felicity takes it.

"Bitch."

"Yeah well."  Sara smiles, "Come on, lets fix the hot mess express you call your hair and outfit and then let's go get your man."

 

A couple of hours later, Felicity, Sara, and Diggle find themselves standing in front of the beach house.

They make their way to the front door and decide to go on in without knocking.  Felicity turns the corner into the kitchen and finds Thea pouring a glass of wine, "You're not 21."

And then the wine is all over the floor, "Holy shit!  Dammit Lis, look what you made me do.  Lis? Lis!  Oh yes yes yes YES, I knew you'd be back!"  Thea pulls Felicity into a tight hug.

"Where is he?" Felicity asks.

Thea gestures towards the back door, "Out on the deck."

She takes a deep breath, "Okay, thanks."  She begins making her way to the door when Thea grabs her hand.

"Hey, I hate to ask this, but, do you think you could wait like 5 minutes?  I know this is a bad time, but Tommy is in the shower, and , I mean, he drove all the way out here for this.  I'd hate for him to miss it."

Felicity just looks at the younger Queen.

"No?  Okay sorry, just throwing it out there.  Totally uncalled for.  Proceed."  She gestures towards the doors again.

Felicity resists the urge to chuckle.  If Thea was good for something, it was releasing tension.

She puts a hand on the door knob.  She takes a deep breath and steps outside.

 

 

"I told you, Thea, I'll come in when I'm ready."

"It is getting cold out, you should really listen to your sister."

Oliver freezes.  This was not real.  This could not be happening.  She left him.  She chose the other guy.  He slowly looks up to meet her gaze.  She's really here.

"What?  I mean how?  I mean, why are you here?"  He manages to ask.

Felicity shrugs her shoulders, "I asked where could I find the most infuriating, exasperating, maddening human being on the planet and I was led straight to you.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He stands up and puts his hands in his pockets.  He's silent for a minute, just looking at her before asking, "You sure?"

"Yes."

"It's going to be hard."  He moves in front of her.

"I know."  She smiles.

"The island.  It changed me.  I'm not the 17 year old you fell in love with.  I'm darker and colder and if you were smart you'd--"

She reaches up and cups the sides of his face, "Well then I guess I'm not very smart, because I'm not going anywhere."

He takes a deep breath and puts his hands over hers on his face, "I love you.  I'll never stop loving you."

"That's what I'm counting on."

He closes the space between them with a slow, intoxicating kiss.  The kind of kiss that makes you light headed and your knees weak.  He kissed her like she was a glass of water after he'd been in the desert for days.  Desperate but controlled.  He wanted to savor every drop.  He wanted to remember every second of this kiss.  This was a once and a life time kind of moment.

They stood there for a while, wrapped in each other's embrace, before finally coming up for air.

Felicity speaks up first, "Wow, not for the first time today."

"Hopefully not for the last time."  He looks down at her as a wave a desire sparks in his eyes, "I believe you said I didn't have to wait five more years for you, am I correct?"

She laughs, "Why yes, I do believe I may have said that."

She turns around and opens the door.  Four bodies cascade on top of each other in front of her.

"Fucking fuck!"

"My hand, THAT'S MY HAND!"

"I'm on the bottom, how did I end up on the bottom!?"

"Dammit, Felicity!  Pick one door.  One.  Door."  It's Thea that gets up first. She huffs and smooths the wrinkles out of her blouse, "Left or right, blondie.  Pick a door."

Felicity laughs. These are her people.  She looks back at Oliver.  This is her life.  And for the first time in five years, she is whole again.


End file.
